Seven Things That Turn Me On In My Thirties

I am gonna be honest with you: my twenties were painful. And I now take full ownership of my role in why that was the case. There are quite a few things that I have learned as I enter my mid-thirties, and I wanted to share them with you.  

A list of seven things that I deeply appreciate as I approach 34 years old: 

• Drama free relationships. Friendships where we cheer each other on, celebrate our wins and do what we say we’re gonna do. Reliable, consistent, “good for your nervous system” kind of relationships. 

• Securely Attached, Emotionally Available Sex. In my twenties, the spark of the emotionally unavailable connection fueled my enjoyment in sex. Now it is love, comfort, vulnerability and depth of connection that allows me to enjoy sex with my partner. 

• Relationships that Get Better with Time. You’re either growing or you’re dying. Friendships work the same way. I now surround myself with people who want to grow together and allow each other to be more of who we really are. No more staying the same in the name of people pleasing and staying “small.” 

• People with a Curious Mind. In my thirties, I deeply appreciate people who can see all sides. People who understand the gray areas in life and who are curious about understanding the nuances of human experience. 

• Avoiding Online Content. These days I find joy in creating content that helps people heal and have healthy relationships. I find consuming content doesn’t do much good for my mental health. So I focus on creating, and do my very best to consume as little as possible. 

• Sobriety. My health has become one of my top priorities. I find that alcohol and my peak health don't mix. I also don’t like numbing my emotions, and I prefer to be present with what I’m feeling.The impact of alcohol on my mood is significant enough for me to decide it’s best for my mental health if I choose sobriety. Is it always easy? No. But I always feel good when I honor my decision not to drink. 
• Good Sleep. I can’t stress this enough! Good sleep sets the tone for my whole day. Without it, I struggle. I have changed my schedule to ensure I sleep 8-9 hours each night. 

*Bonus* Structure = Freedom: we need structure in our lives. Without it, we have an illusion of freedom, but what we actually have is chaos. Structure looks different for everyone, but a simple start is planning your sleep and wake times, scheduling out weekly activities on a calendar. I use my Sundays as my “Sunday planning time” and I schedule out all of my weekly activities for work, self-care, and connection with loved ones. This practice has dramatically improved my life.