Four Signs You Might Be Avoidantly Attached
1. You Struggle with Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries is difficult with avoidant attachment style because you predict that the receiver of the boundaries “won’t take it well.” So instead of setting boundaries, you tend to pull away or “ghost.” This allows you to avoid difficult conversations, and it also prevents you from maintaining deep intimacy over time.
2. You May Unconsciously Believe you Are “Bad at Relationships”
If I believe I am a “bad partner” and I’m “not good at relationships” this makes it very difficult for me to want to show up for my dating life. Think about it: if we feel we are bad at something, we don’t typically enjoy it. Doubting yourself in relationships causes many people to avoid having them all together.
3. You Believe Relationships Get in the Way of You Achieving Your Goals
This is a classic belief among both men and women: “ A relationship will prevent me from achieving what I want to in my career.” The reality is this is a false belief that simply keeps us from having to be vulnerable. Research shows us that relationships actually help improve your career, and allow you to achieve more.
4. Distancing Strategies are Compulsive
A compulsion is a behavior that happens without your awareness. This can look like not returning texts, unconsciously devaluing your partner, compulsively thinking of your ex when you’re with your partner; these distancing strategies are anything that hinder your ability to be close to your partner. For the avoidantly attached person, these strategies are used to feel emotionally safe, as intimacy is uncomfortable.
Overcoming avoidant attachment style involves implementing both belief and behavior change. I walk my clients through a multifaceted approach that involves self-reflection, communication, and learning to set boundaries. It is possible for the avoidantly attached person to move toward a secure attachment style. They must desire to make this change themselves.
If you experience avoidant attachment style, and you are ready to become securely attached, you might be interested in the Empowered.Secure.Loved. Program. In 8 Weeks you will release the past, learn to embody a secure attachment style, and rewire your brain for healthy love. It is everything you need to heal the relationship with yourself and attract the romantic partner you’ve always wanted.
